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Football Humour

Football Chants

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There is always some one in the crowd that comes up with a right classic chant that gets everyone going.  In this section we pay tribute to the funniest chants we've heard.
 
"Who put the ball in the Arsenal net
Who put the ball in the Arsenal net
Who put the ball in the Arsenal net
Half of f****** Europe!"
 
Chelsea fans sung "shall we buy a ground for you?"
To which the Arsenal fans replied with "shall we win the league for you"
 
"All things bright and beautiful
All creatures great and small.

Swindon rule the West Country and Oxford rule f**k all!"
 
(to the tune of 'Cos I Got High' - Afroman)
When Rio Ferdinand had been banned for missing his Drugs test.
He's Out the England squad and we know why
'Cos Rio got high
Rio got high
Rio got high
la-la-la la la-la
Rio Ferdinand gets the support of the nation! 
 
(to the tune of you are my sunshine)
You are a weegie
A smelly weegie
You're only happy on giro day
Your mum's a stealer
Your dad's a dealer
Please don't take my hubcaps away

Chant by Dundee fans to either side of the Old Firm
 
How wide? Nationwide!
Birmingham fans to any wide shot.
 
We'll score again,
Don't know where, don't know when,
But I know we'll score again some sunny day!
Carlisle United away to Darlington after they had scored one goal in 5 matches
 
Tim Timminy Tim Timminy
Tim Tim Teroo
We've got Tim Howard and he says f**k you!
Timmy Howard
F**k Off
He plays in our net
F**k Off
Timmy Howard
F**k Off

 
He's got Tourette's
Man United
He's bald he's scouse,
He'll rob your f**king House,

 
Steve McMahon, Steve McMahon
For any fans who go to Blackpool.
Vieira ooooh!
Vieira ooooh!

 
He wants to leave the scum,
cuz Campbell wants his bum!
Shall we find a,
Shall we find a,

Shall we find a Ground for you!
Shall we find a Ground for you.
Middlesbrough fans to Fulham.
 
Bernt Haas
I've gone and Bernt my Haas
I've gone and Bernt my Haas
I've gone and Bernt my Haas
Bernt Haas...

 
West Brom's new song for new signing.
Steve McClaren came to town riding on a pony,
Sunderland have got Phil Babb and we've got Maccarone

Middlesbrough fans.
 
(To of 'Hey Baby')
Heeeey scousers oh ah,
I wanna knoooooow were's my video...
and my stereo and my dvd...

Birmingham fans to Liverpool.
 
"We hate Tuesday"
Millwall fans after Sheff Utd fans chant
"We hate Wednesday",at Bramall Lane.
 
Chim-chimney, Chim-chimney
Chim-Chim, Chiroo

 
We hate those b***ards in claret 'n' blue
Leyton Orient Fans about West Ham sung at any away match
 
We were watching the Bill - What was the score in Seville?
Rangers Fans response to Celtic after UEFA Cup Final defeat.
You'll be watching the bill, when we're in Seville
Celtic fans singing to Rangers fans.
 
Chim chimney, chim chimney,
Chim-chim chiroo,

 
Who needs Sol Campbell when we've got Shittu!
QPR fans.
 
(To We'll Meet Again)
We'll win again, don't know where,
Don't know when...but some sunny day...

Sunderland fans at Villa.
 
He's fat, He's round,
He's sold your f**king ground,
Al Fayed, Al Fayed...

Most away fans vs Fulham.
 
Is that all she gets at home?
Is that all she gets at home?

Sung by the Chelsea fans to a male streaker at the 2003 away FA Cup tie V Shrewsbury.
 
Davey Moyes, Davey Moyes,
Davey Davey Moyes,
He's got red hair,
But we don't care,
Davey Davey Moyes!

Everton Fans.
 
Vieira ooooh!
Vieira ooooh!
He comes from Senegal!
His dad's a cannibal

Chelsea fans against Arsenal.
 
One-nil to the Nationwide!
Sunderland get used to their new status at Chelsea.
 
(To Yellow submarine tune)
The sh*t are going down like a f**king lead balloon,
A f**king lead balloon,
A f**king lead balloon.
Wolves fans sympathise with West Brom.
(To the tune of my old mans a dustman)
 
Posh spice is a slapper her knickers smell of c*ck,
And when she’s shagging Beckham she thinks of Ormerod.

Sung by Southampton fans to Man U fans.
 
Come in a taxie,
You must have come in a taxie,
Cooome in a taxieeeee,
You must have come in a taxie.

Birmingham fans to the few Sunderland fans that turned up.
 
(To the tune of always look on the bright side of life)
Always look on the Turf Moor for Shite!
dada dada dadada!

Sung by Preston North End fans during their away match against Burnley.
 
You're not famous any more,
You're not famous any more,
You're not famous,
You're not famous,
You're not famous anymore.....

Man United fans to Liverpool after their 4-0 win at OT.
 
“Cheer up Peter Reid, Oh what can it mean.... he sent Sunderland down and now he's trying with Leeds...”
West Ham fans during Sunderland game.
 
"If Heskey plays for England, so can I
If Heskey plays for England, so can I
If Heskey plays for England
If Heskey plays for England
If Heskey plays for England, so can I"

Birmingham fans during victory over Liverpool.
 
(To the tune of Robin Hood)
"Ryan Giggs, Ryan Giggs missed an open goal,
Ryan Giggs, Ryan Giggs missed an open goal,
How did he miss?
Arsenal took the piss,
Ryan Giggs, Ryan Giggs, Ryan Giggs."

Arsenal fans take joy at Man U's expense.
 
When West Ham fans were singing to Arsenal
"10 Men, We`ve only got 10 men"
Arsenal fans responded with:
"10 points, you`ve got only 10 points!"
 
Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Bowyer,
Oooh! Ah!
We want to knooooooow, why your not in jail! .
Becoming universal...
 
 
'Neville Neville, they're in defence, Neville Neville , their future's immense. Neville Neville , they ain't half bad, Neville Neville, the name of their dad.'
 
Sung to the tune of David Bowie's 'Rebel Rebel'.
Who put the ball in the scousers net?
Who put the ball in the scousers net?
Who put the ball in the scousers net?

Jerzy, Jerzy, Dudek.
Man United fans at Anfield.
 
Do you take it up the ar*e!
Chelsea fans to Kevin Kilbane (Sunderland) after his shorts fall down.
 
Diego, Ooh-oh, he comes from Uruguay. He made the scousers cry!
To the tune of Vieira or Volare.
 
Tim Sherwood, Ooh-oh, he comes from Boreham Wood. He is no f**king good!
To the tune of Vieira or Volare.
 
We've all had you're missus, We've all had you're missus
At a Cambridge United game, while some bloke proposed to his girlfriend at half time.
 
'Do the social know your here?'
Crystal Palace fans to Man City.
 
There’s only one Carlton Palmer,
and he smokes marijuana,
he's 6ft tall, and his heads too small,
living in a Palmer wonderland!

Stockport fans worshipping their boss.
 
You don't know what your doing'
By Coventry fans when a bride and groom appeared on the pitch, away at Charlton.
 
WWWHHOOOO..........
When any sub is brought on against Birmingham.
 
Wolves fans tribute to their midfielder.
Always sh*t on a tesco carrier bag do do do do do do do do
Wolves fans sing about the similarly blue stripped West Brom
( tune to always look on the bright side of life ).
 
Sh*t team in Fulham, you're just a sh*t team in Fulham!
Arsenal fans to Chelsea.
 
(To the tune of 'Yellow Submarine')
Their coming up, their going down, their coming up, their going down,
City's coming up but their going straight back down, going straight back down, going straight back down.....

Man U fans on news that City are coming back.
 
(to the tune of Volare)
"Viera OH OH, viera OH OH, give giggsy the ball and arsenal won F**K ALL, Viera OH OH."
After giggs scored THAT goal in the FA cup semi 1999 at Villa Park.
 
"You're not solvent anymore!"
Gillingham fans at Notts Forest this season.
 
You're Shish, and you know you are,.. You're Shish,..
Chelsea Fans to the Turks (Galatasary Fans) at Stamford Bridge
 
Heard at Coventry City (to the tune of Volare):
'Mo Konjic, oh,oh, Mo Konjic, oh,oh, He comes from Bosnia, He is a big f**ker!'
 
'Are you City in disguise?'
Cheeky Liverpool fans to Man U during 3-1 victory.
 
'Can we play you, Can we play you, Can we play you every week?'
Bolton fans during their 2-1 win over Man U at Old Trafford.
 
Who the f**k is Steven Gerrard? who the f**k is Steven Gerrard? who the f**k is Steven Gerrard? as England go marching on, on, on!
England fans make a point to Effenberg after Gerrard's goal against Germany.  Effenberg had said 'Who is he?' when asked about Gerrard before the game.
 
'One knee, he's only got one knee'
Man UTD fans after Van Nistelroy scores his second against Fulham.
 
Man UTD losing at home to Liverpool who are singing '10 men, we've only got ten men'.
Reply:  '10 pence you've only got 10 pence'
 
'You're going home in a speeding ambulance'
Chelsea fans to a group of St John Ambulance volunteers.
 
'He's here he's there, he wears no underwear, Lee Bowyer, Lee Bowyer'
Leeds fans after he admitted in court that he sometimes goes out with no pants on.
 
As Arsenal come out at Leicester
'Who let the frogs out, who? who? who? who?'.
 
'Down in a minute, we're going down in a minute'
Bradford losing 2-1 to Everton with a minute to go.

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